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<Andrial> ::the weather has continued drizzly and unpleasant for most of the last few weeks - ah, spring in the swamp - and Andrial's cousin has taken advantage of the weather to nest up with the several books Dawn brought him:: <Andrial> ::Andrial, whose taste in reading is more along the lines of 'you want me to do what?' has purchased a large lot of "discard" wool, carded and hand-spun it into yarn. She has already knitted the beginnings of an afghan in this still, quiet period of her life:: * Jewel enters The Way Back with her hood up, cloak dripping, and neglects to push it back as she mounts the stairs to the room she remembers as Andrial's. She raises her fist and hesitates a moment, hand shaking slightly, before knocking softly. * Andrial puts down her knitting and gets up, stretching hugely before opening the door. "Ye- oh! Ma'am. I wasn't expecti- come in, if you wish." * Jewel dips her head slightly and enters, closing the door behind her. She stands there a moment, unmoving, silent, and dripping, as she works up her courage. * Jewel takes a deep breath and pushes back her hood, meeting Andrial's eyes. "I need your help." * Andrial looks around her room for a moment before finding a discarded towel. "Here." She turns to her cousin. "Calis, can you go read down in the common room for a while, honey?" * Jewel flushes faintly and stands aside from the door to remove her cloak, turning it inside-out with a neat flick of her wrist and laying it aside on a chair. <Andrial> ::Calis nods, folding his finger into his book. He stands up and kisses his cousin's cheek, then leaves the room without saying a word. Andrial looks after him for a moment, then sighs:: * Jewel wears a plain grey gown beneath, trimmed with black at collar, hem, and wrists. She watches the boy leave, as well. "He... looks much better. I'm glad." <Andrial> ::nods:: He's... still got a ways to go, but at least he's eating regularly again. * Jewel turns back to Andrial with a sigh. "I need your help. I know you've no reason to be particularly well-disposed towards me, but... I had to try." She closes her eyes a moment. "Angel's not... healing. He... I can't watch him like this." She tries very hard to keep her voice level, but it trembles a little at this last. * Andrial looks at Jewel closely for a long moment, then turns to the small fireplace where a kettle hangs. She sets a battered tin teapot up and pours hot water into it. <Jewel> ::linking her hands together awkwardly, watching Andrial set up the kettle:: He doesn't want me to see... what happened, in the prison. ::she makes a small face:: Nor do I, particularly, nor make him relive it, but... he says he's protecting me from it. I... I'm worried that's not all of it, though. <Andrial> ::looks over her shoulder:: Please, sit down. There's some crumpets in the hamper there, if you want, as well. ::she fixes two cups of tea and sits them on the small, not-quite steady table that has been shivved up with a few scraps of tinder under one leg:: <Jewel> ::nods and perches on the chair, opening the hamper and automatically setting out two crumpets on napkins, the jar of preserves she finds in there, and a clean (dull) knife. She takes a deep breath and continues:: I came here to ask if you might... sh-show me what happened. ::lets out the breath, draws in another, slowly, regaining her composure and straightening her spine a bit:: So. Now that you know what I want... <Jewel>...what do you want from me, to agree? <Andrial> ::stops her set-up and looks at Jewel:: What is it you *think* I want? <Jewel> ::considers a moment, and shakes her head slowly:: I think you want Angel. But I think you know he's not in my power to give. ::meeting Andrial's eyes steadily:: <Andrial> ::sits down, across from Jewel:: You don't really understand me, do you? It's not that simple. But in order to help him, mistress, you have to first help *yourself*. You cannot be strong for him, if you are weakened from your own fears. * Jewel frowns in puzzlement. "Explain?" * Andrial slides a cup of tea to Jewel. "You come to me only because you feel you have no choice, no where else to turn. If you did, you would not be here. Your feelings, about what existed between he and I, are making you ill with anxiety." * Jewel grits her teeth, a muscle in her jaw jumping. "I'm here, yes, because I feel I have no choice. Because I couldn't be there to help him when he needed me most, but *you* could. You were there. You helped him. Help me now, *please.*" <Andrial> ::softly:: I'm trying... Do you... mistress, do you think I would deny anything, for his sake, from spite for you? * Jewel leans an elbow on the rickety table, heedless of the bit of tea that slops on her sleeve, and puts a hand over her eyes tiredly. "I don't know. I really don't know you at all." <Andrial> No, I wouldn't have expected you to, honestly... you had your friends and your admirerers. It would have been odd if you had known me, first year that I was. <Jewel> ::swallows and looks up:: But you know me. ::slow nod:: I suspected you might. ::sighs:: Please don't call me "mistress." I'm only a few years older than you, after all... I'm Jewel. Cat, if you prefer. ::starts slightly, hearing herself, as at a memory, and smiles wryly:: Not outside, though. Outside, I'm just Jewel. <Andrial> But that, madam, is not the rub of the matter... I can help him. On my own. Or I can help you to help him... but I can do neither, without your consent. <Andrial> ::shrugs slightly:: I didn't remember, until something that Dawn said reminded me of why you looked familiar. * Jewel quirks an eyebrow. <Andrial> ::flushes slightly:: We were speaking of... controlling one's abilities, during times of emotional release. <Jewel> ::raising the other eyebrow to join the first:: You're an empath, aren't you? ::sighs:: I've yet to meet an empath with that much control. <Andrial> ::somewhat stiffly:: I think I'm doing quite well, all things considered. It was my first time, you know. <Jewel> ::blinks:: Angel was your *first* job? Gods... how... horrible for you. ::looks stricken:: <Andrial> Well, that isn't what I meant, but... ::looks at her hands:: Most of my abilities aren't... useful. <Jewel> ::blinks again, surprised:: Just because you haven't found a use for them yet doesn't mean they're not useful. You're young, yet. Besides... ::lowering her eyes:: I'd call saving Angel's sanity pretty "useful." <Andrial> He wouldn't have needed it, if I wasn't hurting him in the first place. ::steels herself and looks up at Jewel:: If I were braver, it wouldn't have been necessary. <Jewel> ::venom in her tone:: If that stinking refuse who called herself a Dragon had a shred of honor, *none* of this would have been necessary. If, if, if. ::reaching out and putting a hand under Andrial's chin:: I meant what I said. I don't blame you for needing to protect *your* loved ones. You were very brave to do what you did at *all.* <Jewel> ::lets out a breath and looks away:: She's dead, by the way. You have a right to know. ::bites her lip and closes her eyes against tears:: <Andrial> ::startled:: The Captain? <Jewel> ::nods, taking a steady breath and wiping her eyes:: And she took one of ours with her, damn her to the Pit. <Andrial> I'm sorry to hear that. * Jewel nods and leans back in her chair again, picking up her cup absently, taking a sip, and setting it down again. "About Angel... I want to help him. I don't know if I can, but I'd very much *like* to. But..." She pauses, considering, and shrugs defeatedly. "...that choice is in your hands." <Andrial> ::considers Jewel for a long moment, chewing on her lip:: I want to help. But the choice, as you say, is not mine. It's yours. I'm afraid I can't make it any easier on you. <Jewel> ::shakes her head:: I don't... I don't understand. What do you need from me? <Andrial> ::simply:: I love him. And what you will see, should I share with you, will show you why. If you cannot put it aside, if you cannot get past your jealousy, then nothing you see will help him. For his sake, you must accept my love. <Jewel> ::closes her eyes and swallows:: I know why you love him. Sweet gods, I know *him,* how could I not? But... ::keeping her eyes on the table:: I've talked about it, with... a friend. I honestly didn't *expect* to be so jealous. He loves me, and I know nothing will change that. ::wets her lips:: I think... it's not the love that makes me jealous. It's that... ::looks at Andrial:: you were where *I* should have been. With him. <Jewel> ::lowers her eyes again:: I don't know if I can get past that... but I think, if anything, seeing it myself can only help. <Andrial> It won't. And I can make you no promises. Should he come to me, I would not turn him away. Love is not gentle, and it is often not kind. It demands. For me, for him, it demands sacrifice. Can you be willing to sacrifice? To be stronger for him now, then he is? <Jewel> ::lifting her eyes again, meeting Andrial's without wavering:: Love made me love a killer. Love took me from my world, and put me in his. Everything I am, every breath, is his alone. I'll be as strong as he needs me to be. And if I knew that he couldn't be whole again unless I left him... I'd do it. <Andrial> ::nods:: All right, then. For what it is worth, I do not believe it will come to that, and I have accepted my place in his life. You should eat. You'll probably sick it up again, but you need your strength. This will be hard. For both of us. * Jewel nods reluctantly, smearing jam on a crumpet with same attention she'd pay to setting a diamond, eating it in small bites between sips of tea. <Andrial> ::sighs:: For the time being, may I? I have not touched him, since Dawn came to me ::for no apparent reason, she colors:: last week, and asked me to sever the link. I had not realized it lingered, forgive me the intrusion. But I'd like to see... what I can of his progress. * Jewel nods again. "I don't think any of us knew for sure that anything still bound you, other than, well," she clears her throat uncomfortably, "shared experience. And... he wanted you to do it. Or perhaps... he just didn't want *me* to do it." Her eyes are pained. "Only..." She bites her lip. "He doesn't know I'm here. Please go cautiously. He'll... probably know you're there." <Andrial> ::holds out her hand to Jewel:: I meant to look through your eyes. I can't... reach beyond the room. My abilities are limited exclusively to people I can see. <Jewel> ::looking surprised:: Oh. Then how--? ::thinks a moment:: Oh... All right. ::takes a breath:: I'm... I'm sorry if this hurts you. ::looks wry:: I, more than anyone, know you can't help whom you fall for. ::reaches across the table and takes Andrial's hand, folding it in hers and closing her eyes:: * Andrial takes Jewel's hand and looks at her. She feels a slight runkle in her memories as Andrial shuffles through them quickly, almost like a person flipping through a book to find the right page. At the same time, Jewel is touched by the younger girl's current emotional state: forced calm, some distress, and the pale fear of not being able to help. Perhaps to Jewel's surprise, Andrial appears to focus almost exclusively on Jewel and Angel's physical relationship, listening intently to the conversations before, during, and after. Given that Angel has only approached his wife twice since he was released from prison, it is not particularly long before Andrial leans back, shaking with both emotion and effort. * Jewel's cheeks flush a little as Andrial begins her close study of her recent sex life, but any embarrassment is quickly assuaged by Andrial's almost businesslike attitude towards it. She releases her hand as Andrial leans back, quickly loading another crumpet full of preserves and offering it to her. "Eat. You need it." She adds in a more subdued tone, a touch of wonder to her voice, "You... feel just like I do." <Andrial> ::takes the crumpet and eats quickly:: Tha's a side effect. Can't help it. Happens every time I touch someone. Works both ways. <Jewel> You mean... I was feeling what you were feeling I was feeling Or... ::shakes her head and mutters:: Gods of light, no wonder he was confused... ::sighs:: Shielding was never *my* best subject, either. It comes with time and practice. <Andrial> ::licking jam off her fingers:: Mostly, I can tell my feelings from who I touch, but it can get... jumbled sometimes. Especially in moments of intense emotional response. ::she brightens somewhat:: Although, with Dawn, that was rather nice. <Jewel> ::cautiously:: With... Dawn? ::narrows her eyes a little:: <Andrial> ::nods earnestly:: Really quite intense, feeling in harmony, like that. <Jewel> ::looking faintly horrified:: You mean you and... and... and *Dawn*? <Jewel> Oh-- ohogods... I'm sorry, I didn't mean that the way it... probably sounded. ::turns red:: <Andrial> ::averts her face:: I'm not *that* terrible, am I? He... said I was beautiful. <Jewel> ::eyes getting wider:: No! No, no, that's not what I meant at *all*! It's just that... ohgods, Dawn, I'm going to kill you... Dawn is-- ::breaks off:: He didn't... hurt you, did he? I don't mean physically, but... do you love him? ARGH! Gods, this is *none* of my business. ::puts her head in her hands and takes several deep breaths:: <Jewel> ::faintly calmer:: It's just that... Dawn has... er, *issues* with mi-- er, psionics. *And* women. ::rolls her eyes and looks at the ceiling:: Oh, gods, Dawn... <Andrial> ::still slightly offended:: Issues? Not with *me*, he doesn't. And in case it matters to you, he is my *friend*. <Jewel> Don't get me wrong, he's one of the best friends I have, but... ::breaks off again, shaking her head, looking torn between laughter and supreme irritation:: He's just... tread carefully with that one, Andrial. I don't want to see you hurt. <Andrial> ::flushes again, slouching in her seat:: It isn't *about* me. <Jewel> ::bites her lip:: He's... um... you may not see him around, for awhile. ::hastily:: Not because of me! The... the person we lost, going after Vander... it was someone very close to him. <Jewel> ::cocks her head curiously:: What's not about you? <Jewel> Gods... ::finds it her turn to look away:: Curiosity killed the cat... forget I asked that, it *is* none of my business. <Andrial> ::sighs, looking down at her hands:: Are you sure you want my help? I... can't seem to manage to get anything right. <Jewel> ::smiles weakly and reaches across the table to take both of Andrial's hands, squeezing them gently:: Stop that. *You* did nothing wrong. ::smile widening into a knowing smirk:: And it *sounds* like you had a very good time doing it, too. Good for you. I'm just a little irked at Dawn for being... well, *Dawn.* ::exasperated sigh:: <Andrial> Well, you can't very well expect him to be someone *else.* <Jewel> ::sniffs:: Of course I can. I'm female, after all. ::grins:: <Andrial> ::still somewhat grumpy, she straightens up, pushing her hair out of her face:: I like him the way he is. ::changing the subject slightly:: But I don't like *Angel* the way he is now... I think I understand. A bit. <Jewel> ::sobers:: I... hurt for him. But I don't know what to *do* for him. <Andrial> ::chews her lip:: It's... difficult. But I think I agree. You need to see. As long as he thinks you can't know, that he can still hide it, he will. And hiding it, he won't be able to heal. <Jewel> ::nods, and holds out her hands:: And... you can show me? ::suddenly, as a new thought occurs to her:: Will *you* be all right with this? You... when I saw you in your message, you looked sort of... green. <Andrial> ::shakes her head:: No. But I will be less 'all right' if I allow him to descend into brutality to keep a grip on his sanity over what I did. <Jewel> ::swallows hard:: He wouldn't... he... oh gods... ::tears pricking her eyes:: Show me. Show me, please. * Andrial steels herself, then takes Jewel's hand. The transition to Andrial's memories is anything but soft - more like being thrown down a long flight of stairs into a heavy brick wall. There is pain. It is like being shoved full force into the memory. She is not seeing it, impartial viewer, but is *there*. The sour tang of repeated dry-heaving coats her mouth and throat. * Jewel squeezes her eyes shut tight against the momentary disorientation, her mind and body both instinctively flinching away from the pain. It is with conscious effort that she unbends, and opens her eyes to look. * Andrial crouches against the cool bricks of the questioning room, her cheek pressed against the rough stone. A boot tip nudges her sharply in the kidney, but she does not look at the owner. She has seen enough of Vander to last a life's time. But the man - the man! Even, vile as she is, as ashamed and disgusted with herself, she cannot look away from him. * Angel is across the room, his arms stretched above his head, wrists clasped in iron staples held by a chain. The chain is low enough, that should he stand, his arms would be bent at the elbow, his fists held even with his chin. He is not, currently, standing, but struggling to do so. Hampered by the shackles around his ankles, he dangles, his knees not quite reaching the straw-strewn floor. * Jewel 's heart judders in her chest to see him this way and she tries to reach out to him, the memory so real that she has trouble forgetting it's locked in the past. <Andrial> ::he is stripped to the waist and his back and chest are soaked with sweat and blood. Just under his left arm, a swell of purple flesh gives mute evidence of cracked ribs beneath.:: <Jewel> ::whispering:: Oh, love... it will be all right. You'll make it through this. We both will... <Andrial> ::a harsh woman's voice:: All right, he's loosened up for you. ::fingers grasp her chin and turn her face. Vander is beautiful, although the expression on her face is anything but.:: Remember, if you don't manage something this time, your boy doesn't eat tomorrow. <Jewel> ::a surge of anger which, suddenly mindful of where she is, she clamps down on hard, instantly. Andrial can most likely feel it simmering beneath, though, directed entirely at Vander.:: <Andrial> ::softly:: I understand. ::fear cramps her stomach, but she moves forward anyway. At the sound of her footstep, Angel at last manages to regain his feet. He doesn't look behind him at his tormenters. He doesn't even look at her, when she tentatively touches his arm, establishing contact.:: * Andrial would give her soul in an instant to have the ability to speak in his mind, a word. Anything. But she cannot, and she dares say nothing to him. Knowing, fearing, dreading what comes next, she braces herself against the wall, close enough to watch his face. Contact established. <Andrial> ::his mind is a roil of emotion and she nearly falls under the weight of it. Desperate fear claws at her, shredding what poise she managed to keep and she weeps silently. Behind fear is guilt, guilt for what he has already said.:: * Jewel draws in breath slowly and holds it. Behind the breath is a hazy sense of building defenses, of trying to prepare herself for something she knows will fell her. Andrial gets the sense that, if she could, Jewel would take both of them in her arms and draw up a shield over them all until the nightmare went away. <Angel> ::shifts his eyes just enough to see her:: Don't... gods, don't... <Jewel> ::in the present, outside their joined minds, Jewel's hands tremble against Andrial's, and tears streak her cheeks unheeded.:: <Andrial> ::swallowing hard against nausea:: I'm... I'm ready. <Angel> ::The slither of the whip behind him fills him with terror. He braces himself for the blow, but it is not enough. Magnified by her ability, the cut sizzles across his nerves. He falls again, wrenching his shoulders. The cuffs bite into his wrists, drawing blood.:: <Jewel> ::part of Jewel struggles, wanting to turn away, wanting not to look, to know, to feel... but the other part, sick at heart within and yet hard and cool as an assassin's blade, forces her to keep her eyes on the scene and take in every wrinkle on Angel's brow:: <Andrial> ::pain echoes in Andrial's head. Her eyes fill with red haze at the force of it, every agony written over her. She gags, coughing. These last two evenings she has found blood in her own urine and can't imagine what she is doing to herself as she does this to him. She struggles to cut the feedback loop, before her own fear contaminates him:: * Jewel gasps at the blinding pain, completely unprepared for it. Her head rears back, and her hands grip Andrial's painfully hard. Automatically, she tries to shield from the pain, lending her strength to Andrial's to cut the loop before any of them are damaged worse. <Andrial> ::she catches the flicker of imagery from him, nameless faces. One - a woman who looks oddly familiar - stands, bathed in sunlight on her upturned face. But she is so far, so far... and he can't reach the image, can't hold it. It crumbles to ash at the next blow. Andrial falls to the floor, tearing her palms on the rough stone. She welcomes this minor sting.:: * Jewel recognizes the image of herself-- almost recognizes the very moment-- and tears choke her throat. <Angel> ::his voice barely audible:: Get up. Get *up*, damnit. ::she is uncertain if he is speaking to her or to himself as he struggles again to stand. She feels his determination - to die on his feet - flagging. A longing to die sweeps over them both. In that instant, their eyes meet and she feels compelled to stand, driven to it by the force of his will:: <Andrial> ::at some point during the beating, Vander has left the room. Andrial doesn't remember her going, doesn't know why. Always before, that woman has leaned over, watching with hot, hateful eyes. But for now, it is only Andrial, Angel, and the guard.:: <Andrial> ::another blow, but locked in each other's eyes, neither falls:: Just *tell* them! ::she cannot help herself, the words are torn, desperate and anguished, from her throat:: Please... * Jewel reaches out again, trying to help them both keep their feet, to protect, to comfort. Her presence has all the impact of a ghost's, and her hands pass through Angel's shoulders:: * Jewel quells a fresh surge of hatred and anger, directed not at Andrial, but at Vander. * Andrial shifts her eyes upwards, where he is twisting one thin and bleeding wrist. "I can't..." His voice is inaudible beyond a foot from him. His eyes meet hers again, then flicker backwards, towards the guard. "But I can end it. For us both." <Andrial> ::she pulls a sense of what he wants from his mind just before the lash lands, driving them both down again. She is on her hands and knees in front of him and she tastes salt water on her mouth. He is weeping, and the sight fills her with sickening dismay:: * Andrial stands, putting her arms around Angel to help him to his feet. His blood paints her shirt and face. "What are y'doin' there, girl?" The guard comes around to the side. <Jewel> ::whispering:: No... by all the gods, no... you can't break him, you can't...! <Andrial> ::softly, without taking her eyes off Angel:: He wishes to confess. <Guard> ::prods Angel in the ribs with the butt of his whip. Still touched with Andrial's talent, he screams as broken ribs grind together. He is lost to the agony, beyond planning, beyond anything. Whatever they want, anything they want... anything.:: <Jewel> No.... Noooo! ::screaming as if the lash fell on her shoulders, weeping in earnest, unable to contain it any longer. She struggles desperately to pull away, to take Angel away from there with her. She is in deep danger of tearing into two people, herself, as the Guild face she created at Bastian's death resists implacably.:: <Andrial> ::there is a sudden rush of strength. she is no longer herself at all, but within him, bound with him. she opens eyes to see herself, fading like a ghost against the wall, giving over her own strength, giving over her own life. No! It won't... she won't die because of him. He. Will. Not. Let. This. Happen. With a sickening crack, his wrist breaks. He barely feels it.:: * Jewel's heart rallies as Angel frees himself, an immense upwelling of love and hope rising in her. * Angel withdraws his shattered hand from the cuff in a blur of motion. Despite the blinding pain up his arm, Angel grabs the man's chin, pulls him in, and with a sharp jerk, breaks the man's neck. Angel drops him, and unable to hold himself up any longer, slumps against the one arm still caught by the chain. All he can feel is relief. It is over. They will kill him, when they see... "Go... " He coughs, tearing his ribs. "Go." <Jewel> Gods above and below... oh, love... ::weeping, she looks around, willing Andrial to run but knowing she won't:: * Andrial shakes her head, stepping over the dead man to get closer to him. "No, I... not yet." She reaches up to touch his cheek. He flinches from her hand before he can stop himself and her heart lurches painfully in her chest. "I'm sorry... I never wanted this." She steps forward, again, supporting him as best she can. She ducks her head slightly, then her mouth is warm and soft on his. As she kisses him, his pain drains out of him. Everything, from the burning lash-marks along his back, to the cracked ribs to the throb of his broken wrist. It is gone. For a moment, the absence of pain is almost agony by itself. There is nothing but the warm mouth on his, the flutter of another mind against his. * Jewel whimpers in something like agony herself as Andrial kisses him. The stab of jealously lasts only a moment as Angel's pain vanishes, and she sobs in relief. <Andrial> ::How long they stood that way, locked in each other's embrace, no one could say. At a sound from beyond, in the prison, she pulls away. Determined, she touches his face again. He is not sure what she is doing, but there is a sense of construction, a flurry of activity. Mentally, he feels that he has been handed something. A key.:: <Andrial> Get inside ::she hisses at him under her breath:: Get inside, lock the door behind you. * Angel doesn't entirely understand what she said, but she composes herself, then runs from the room, crying out in feigned alarm. He has no time. None left at all. He takes the key... takes it, and pulls himself inside. The pain returns to him in a rush, but only his flesh can feel it. He turns his back on the husk of himself, locking the door. Outside, his body sags against the chain, fainted from pain and exhaustion. <Jewel> ::whispers:: What... what did you do? * Andrial pulls them out of the memory, returning to where she and Jewel are laying on the floor. At some point during the past hour or so, they have both fallen out of their chairs. The table is upturned and smashed crockery and cold tea dot the wood planked floor. <Andrial> ::shaking her head as she sits up:: I'm not... entirely sure. * Jewel looks around her, dazed, one finger tapping lightly on the wooden floor as if to be certain there's not a cold, filthy stone floor hiding beneath. She takes several ragged breaths and then pitches herself headlong into Andrial's arms, sobbing furiously. * Andrial does not attempt anything remotely like comfort, her own thoughts and feelings too much in turmoil, but she rests her head against Jewel's shoulder to weep. "I'm sorry..." She gasps through tears. "So sorry." * Jewel eventually cries herself out, feeling blindly in her pocket for a handkerchief and blowing her nose. Her voice is hoarse, and frankly, her face is a mess. She unlimbers stiffly and puts her arms around Andrial, rubbing the younger girl's back and murmuring softly. "Shh, shh... it's all right. He lived, you kept him alive, it will be all right, it's in the past now... shhh, let it go, it's all right..." <Andrial> ::sniffles:: It's not... It isn't... hideous, monstrous... an abomination... <Jewel> ::hugging her tight:: Y-yes... it was... Sweet gods! ::her breath catches again:: But listen to me, Andrial, please listen... it's in the past now. It's *over,* and Vander is dead and burned. Oh, please listen... ::she releases her shoulders and puts her hand on either side of Andrial's head, forcing her to meet her own tear-reddened eyes:: It shaped you, it hurt you both, but it's *in the past,* Andrial, and it was Not. Your. Fault. Do you understand me? * Andrial nods dumbly. It is uncertain if she is actually hearing Jewel's words at all, although she does calm, gradually. After some time, she wipes her face. "Does... does it help you?" <Jewel> ::putting a hand to her mouth as a fresh sob breaks free of her throat:: I hope so... sweet gods, I hope it will. ::whispering, as if she can't bear to have it said aloud:: Th- they did break him at the last, didn't they? That was... he gave up. And he knows he did... oh my love, no wonder it festers. ::she bites the heel of her hand until the quivering of her shoulders passes, and takes a shaky breath:: I'm... I'm going to have to hurt him again, aren't I? To show him I know, open it up so it can heal... ::her voice quavers:: * Andrial shakes her head. "I don't know... I just... " With a rather determined intake of breath, she gets herself back together. "He feels less... diminished, somehow. It's why he doesn't... " She blushes bright red. <Jewel> ::fiercely:: He is *not.* He doesn't need to prove *anything,* to me or anyone else! ::she deflates on a sigh:: Except, maybe... to himself. I... ::she smiles without humor:: He won't listen to me. I'm biased, of course, but... I don't know how to *make* him listen. ::she bites her lip:: * Andrial sighs. "Don't look at me. I am all out of bright ideas." * Jewel's laughter has an hysterical edge to it, and she hugs Andrial again. "No, no, that's all right. We've done more than enough to you, I think." She holds the girl out at arm's length, regarding her anew. "Andrial, I'm... sorry. I'm sorry I was so... mean to you." She takes a deep breath. "Thank you for this. Is there anything I can do for you? I--" She looks wry. "I *still* don't know what you might want of me." <Andrial> ::gives Jewel a small, tentative smile:: I don't... blame you for that. I wouldn't feel differently, if he cared for me. ::squeezes Jewel's hand:: But he doesn't. And I know that. * Jewel almost dissolves again. "Thank you. I-- I should go." She makes no move to leave, but stares at Andrial for a few breaths more. With a sudden "oh!" of revelation, she fumbles one-handed at her bodice, drawing her pearl pendant out from under her blouse and slinging the chain over her head. "Here. Please, I think you need it more than I do just now, and I don't know what else to do for you. It's..." She taps the smooth surface thoughtfully. "I use this as a focus, to help me shield. You know how pearls are made? A grain of sand inside, and then delicate layer after layer after layer, until... you can't see inside, you can't get to the grain at all." She holds it out. "If you think it could help you, it's yours." * Andrial cups her palm under the necklace. "Thank you. I don't know... I mean, I never tried it." She looks aside. "I'm not very good at this. Everyone keeps doing nice things, for me, and for Calis. I don't know... how to say thank you. And not sound like an idiot." * Jewel smiles a little. "I don't think you've had the chance for much practice, anyway. It's easy. You smile..." she reaches out and puts her fingers on either side of Andrial's mouth, just below the cheeks, and pushes up slightly, "and you say, 'Thank you, Jewel.'" <Jewel> ::takes her hand away:: Hopefully *not* when I have my hand on your mouth, though, or you will sound like an idiot. * Andrial clasps the necklace around her neck. "Thank you." <Jewel> ::smiles:: And now I say, "You're very welcome, Andrial." ::sobering:: Which you are. I-- ::shakes her head:: I keep saying this to my friends, and gods help me if you all try to collect at once, but... I owe you one. <Andrial> ::shakes her head:: No, no really... everyone has been kind to me, and to my cousin. Dawn brings him books, and... he talks of getting him schooling. I don't... after everything... <Jewel> After everything, you've earned a little kindness, Andrial. Accept it. Please. <Andrial> ::fingers the pendant thoughtfully:: Good... good luck to you. I hope you can do something for him. <Jewel> ::nods:: Thank you. I'll... ::sighs:: I'll probably need it. ::stands, creakily, and fetches her damp cloak:: Would you like me to send your cousin back up? <Andrial> ::nods, her hand wrapped around the necklace:: Please... * Jewel nods and wraps herself in her cloak with an expression of distaste, pausing at the door to look back. "Thank you." She puts her hood up and leaves, collecting her bored bodyguard from the top of the stairs. |
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