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* Dawn and Jewel are at Dawn's place while Angel attends to some minor Guild business with Dusk along for backup. Jewel came with her own entertainment - the latest romance novel - and Dawn was happy to let her sit on the couch and read while he sat at the desk and sketched schematics for some contraption he's working on, cursing idly under his breath about this or that. * Jewel sits with her feet tucked up beneath her, nose in her book, but she can't seem to stay concentrated on it. Every so often, she glances up at Dawn's back. * Jewel shifts position and tries to get back into the plot again, but finds her mind drifting again within a few minutes. * Dawn finally puts his pencil down and leans back in his chair with a sigh. He looks at the drawing for a moment, then glances behind himself to check on Jewel. * Jewel hastily yanks her eyes back down to the book. <Dawn> ::snorts:: You look like I caught you cheating on your homework. <Jewel> ::looks up a bit sheepishly:: Well... that looks more like this, actually. ::she knots her fingers together and casts him a wide-eyed look of anguished innocence:: <Dawn> Hah. ::stands and stretches, his spine popping as his arms reach their full extension:: Book's no good? <Jewel> ::flips the cover to the front and glances at it:: It's utter trash, actually, but that's part of what I like about it. ::grins:: No, I've just been sort of... antsy lately, generally. <Dawn> ::laughs:: Dusk's not working you out hard enough? <Jewel> ::shrugs a shoulder:: Dusk's helped a lot, actually. I've just... had a lot on my mind, I guess. Speaking of... ::looks down, picking idly at a small hole in her stocking:: I've been meaning to tell you how much it meant to me, that you took me along to Andrial's the way you did. <Dawn> ::leans against his desk, his eyebrows going up slightly:: Did it? <Jewel> ::nods awkwardly:: It's just... I mean, I know you needed psionic backup and all, but... it sort of occurred to me, halfway through, that you hadn't brought Dusk, and that, well, *I* was being your Dusk for the meet. ::smiles wryly:: And it made me scared as hell, believe me, but... ::looks up:: ...like you trusted me, too. Thank you. <Dawn> ::grins:: Right person for the job. I *do* trust you - well, as far as I trust anyone, except Dusk. You've earned it. And more... ::he looks down at his hand, flexing it:: You did well. <Jewel> ::blushes:: Well... to be honest, she never tried anything. I think that was more *you* doing well, than anything. <Jewel> But I certainly gained a whole new respect for what Dusk does. ::shakes her head:: I always thought *you* had the hard job, being the front man. I never knew how hard it could be, *not* being seen. <Dawn> ::snorts:: Intimidating half-grown sheep is hardly impressive. She almost *wanted* me to kill her. I'd assumed you would have told me if she'd tried anything. ::he slants her a look and grins:: I would've told you that, all along. Not that Dusk would have it any other way. He *hates* being in the spotlight. <Jewel> ::sobering:: She... I'm pretty sure she did, actually. She was close to suicidal, when she walked in. I've been there, I could hear it in her voice. ::sits for a few moments in silence, and grins:: Although... Dusk can't hate the spotlight *that* much, I think. Black's not his favorite color, after all. <Dawn> ::shakes his head:: She wanted the pain to end. It's not the same as wanting to die. Trust me. * Jewel cocks her head curiously. "I've been wondering... and, note, this is me asking a highly un-Guildly question, and being more than willing to accept an evasion--" she grins "-- but... how did you and Dusk... get the way you are, anyway? I mean..." She frowns, struggling for the words. "Not just how you met, but... well, you know." She gestures helplessly. <Dawn> ::eyes her:: It's all pretty much the same story. ::he looks up at the ceiling as if it contains a triptych illustrating the tale, and runs his fingers through his hair, wincing as he pulls on a snarl:: * Jewel smiles a little and digs in her bag, coming up with a comb and offering it to him. <Dawn> ::takes the comb with a wry smile and starts tugging on his hair, his expression absentminded:: You know I was sunshine? I was maybe ten, when it ended. An odd-jobs fellow, reprobate calling himself Patch, bought me and turned me over to the Guild. Testing showed I had a talent for magecraft, so they gave me to Whistle - who was Dusk's foster-father and master, already. Had been for three, maybe four years. * Jewel nods. "So Dusk had already lost his parents before you met him?" <Dawn> ::nods:: He was about six when they were killed. They'd been very close, too. And Whistle... he took good care of us, but he wasn't what you'd call *affectionate*. <Dawn> Whistle brought me back to his house - ignorant, terrified street brat who could barely comprehend the idea of someone having more than one *room* to live in, much less a whole *house* - and he put me in Dusk's room, which had a spare bed in it. He had at least three other guest rooms, but... To this day, I don't know if he thought being in a room with someone else would make me more, or less, nervous. <Dawn> But Dusk was already asleep - it was nearly the middle of the night - so I just got in the empty bed and collapsed. I don't think I'd ever been worked so hard in my life. ::he snorts to himself, in a "boy, I didn't know ANYthing" kind of way:: <Jewel> ::smiles a little:: Finding out if you were a mage was harder than-- ::puts a hand to her mouth and lowers her eyes:: No, never mind, forget I asked. Please, go on. <Dawn> ::half-grins:: That wasn't the only test the Guild put me through, you understand. They'd been putting me through my paces for the whole day. I loved it. Even the hard stuff was fun, and even the stuff that kind of hurt was no match for... Well. I'd have taken any miserable job they'd have offered me - but I was dog tired. * Jewel nods, eyes wide. <Dawn> I can't remember ever having a bed to myself. Even *before* I was sunshine - which I can only barely remember - when we were beggars, we always shared a pallet. Warmth, security... ::he shrugs:: But I was too tired to notice. I slept. <Dawn> ::he looks down at his hand again:: I had a... a dream. A nightmare. A memory. Take your pick. It was... bad. I woke Dusk up. He had not the fuckingest clue who I was, but he didn't even care. He woke me up, got me settled... slept the rest of the night beside me so I wouldn't dream again. * Jewel nods again, slowly. "I... I see what you mean by 'the same story.'" <Dawn> ::nods:: The next night, he didn't even ask. Just climbed in right beside me. Whistle's eyebrows went up, but he didn't say anything against it. Anytime I started to dream, he'd wake me up. When the other kids made fun of me for being a sheep, he'd back me up. <Jewel> ::looks puzzled:: Even after... well, where you came from, you were a sheep? <Jewel> I thought sheep were-- ::breaks off, and chooses a different word:: --like me. <Dawn> I wasn't Guild. ::he smiles wryly:: That Guild - it kept a few sunshine/moonbeam whores, but it charged *premium* prices for them. I was just a street orphan with a keeper who'd decided pimping was easier than begging. <Jewel> ::a fire lights behind her eyes, and her lips press together into a thin line, but she says nothing.:: <Dawn> And whatever points I gained for being a street brat, I lost for having been a whore. ::shrugs:: Guild kids can be mean, like that. But Dusk took my back, every time - and *he* had plenty of credit, being Whistle's foster-son, and his true father'd had plenty of credit with the Guild, too... <Jewel> And... ::hesitates:: Did you ever ask him... why? <Dawn> ... Why he decided to be my friend, you mean? Not in so many words. I got the impression - slowly, pieced together over years - that he'd made up his mind to make me a sort of... surrogate family, for the one he'd lost. * Jewel nods thoughtfully, staring at the back of Dawn's chair without really seeing it. * Jewel looks up, after awhile. "And... no one's ever managed to get between you two?" She smiles faintly. "How in the nine hells did you two manage puberty, I wonder?" <Dawn> I'd not say *no*one. ::he grins:: But they were short-lived interruptions. <Jewel> ::raises an eyebrow:: Ouch. And I thought *I* was hard on my exes sometimes. <Dawn> ::laughs:: I didn't mean it quite like that... <Jewel> ::chews on her lip:: Um... since I'm being horribly nosy anyway...? * Jewel looks at him hopefully. <Dawn> ::snorts:: Old history. Dusk's first real girlfriend was a half-elf named Rain. We were all about... fourteen or so, I guess. I was... a little jealous, but I couldn't make up my mind whether I was mad that *he* got the first girl, or that *she* was stealing my best friend... Stupid teenaged brat that I was. <Jewel> ::winces:: Not a good combination either way, I imagine. ::smiles a little:: I know all about teenage boys and their pride. <Dawn> One night he'd snuck out to be with her, and I had... a nightmare. Pretty bad, and I hadn't had one for a long time - but he wasn't there when I needed him, and when he came back, I was still rocky enough to just about tear his throat out about it. ::sighs:: He ended things with her for me, but he wouldn't talk to me for a few days, either. <Jewel> ::softly, almost quiet enough that Dawn might choose not to have heard the question:: You... you still get those, don't you? <Dawn> ::pauses, then answers just as quietly:: Yes. ::He straightens, walks over to a hidden shelf, and rummages around until he retrieves a bottle. He pulls out the cork and takes a quick swig:: Oh, he was right... This *does* improve with age. Where was I? Oh, yes. Famous fights. * Jewel smirks, and murmurs, "In this corner, gentles..." <Dawn> It was two or three years later when I got *my* first girlfriend - not too many were willing to settle on me, with *him* around, you know - and I... promptly forgot every lesson of jealousy and loneliness I'd learned over the previous three years, and broke all the unspoken rules we'd established for *him*. <Dawn> He was... justifiably angry. That fight was much shorter, but much hotter. And it laid down the rules explicitly. ::he looks sad, just for a moment, then grins and takes another swig from his bottle:: You want some? * Jewel looks rueful. "A very wise old man--" she pauses to smirk to herself at this-- "once told me that 'A man without temptation will easily be a saint.'" She reaches out for Dawn's bottle and takes a swig herself. "So, what are the rules?" She widens her eyes innocently. "Or is it forbidden for you to ever utter them in the presence of womankind?" <Dawn> Hah. The rules are simple enough, gorgeous. ::he leans back against the desk and looks up at the ceiling:: No one comes between us. Ever. No one replaces the other as the most important person in our lives. Ever. ::he gives Jewel a quick grin:: The end. <Jewel> ::eyes still wide, although the teasing smile has slipped away from them:: ...oh. ::she chews that over for a moment:: Hm. No wonder you and Iselyn argue so much. <Dawn> Aye. ::he takes a swig, and laughs:: Should've seen us fighting, though. Trying not to wake Whistle - he'd have skinned us alive for being up and about that late, or early as it may have been - so we're both finger-talking, but so angry we're practically snapping our fingers off, and turning around so we can't "hear" each other... ::he snorts with laughter again:: Gods, I wouldn't go back to sixteen for a million gold. * Jewel twists her lips wryly. "Aye... there are... well, there's a park in Arabel I wouldn't set foot in again for money, anyway." She looks momentarily sad, but shakes her head quickly and smiles up at him again. <Jewel> Still, we're all forced to live with our pasts in one way or another, I suppose. <Dawn> ...Aye, that's the truth. ::offers her the bottle again:: What else, since you're feeling nosy and caught me in the state of mind to talk? * Jewel takes a swig from the bottle, opens her mouth to ask, and takes another hurried swig. "I... there's something I've been thinking about a lot lately, and..." She looks ashamed. "Well, I wasn't going to ask, but you're asking me to ask, so I'm going to ask and you can just answer or not, and then I'll know, or know not to ask again, right?" She gets the words out in a rush. <Dawn> ::raises his eyebrows:: This should be entertaining. <Jewel> ::keeping her eyes on the floor, and the bottle in her possession:: What happened to you, Dawn, to make you so afraid of ps-- ::swallows:: -- of mindbenders? ::bites her lip:: * Dawn stares at her, and eyes the bottle in her grasp, then sighs. "I don't know if I was eighteen yet. Dusk and I were supposed to kill these three men. One of 'em had these... abilities, no one could explain. He wasn't a mage, wasn't a cleric, wasn't... anything we'd ever heard of. Got the first with no trouble; the second squared off with Dusk, and the third took off. So I chased him. Cornered him in an old stable." * Jewel takes another hit off the bottle as Dawn starts to speak, and hands it back. <Dawn> I was still young and stupid and thought I was hot shit. I burst through that door like- Didn't see anything but his eyes. Looked like they were floating in midair. And then he... I don't know what you'd call it. Didn't hear anything, when you were listing things, back then, to equal it, though I did catch up another few tricks he could do. ::he takes the bottle and drinks deeply:: <Jewel> ::shrinks into her shoulders a little:: I'm... I'm really mostly harmless, as psionics go. <Dawn> Anyway, he made me go back. It wasn't like a memory, or even a dream. I was *there*. A kid, no more'n nine, tops - an' that... that... ::he spits, and then drinks again:: He put me back there. <Jewel> ::bites her lip and nods:: Eyes... Eyes could do something like that. But... she only ever showed me the good memories. <Jewel> ::more quietly:: Me... I can't make *other* people see the past. <Dawn> ::looks at her:: Wouldn't wish my past on you if you were my worst enemy, gorgeous. Good thing I don't own anything from back then, anymore, that you could accidentally read. ::he drinks again, then hands her the bottle:: * Jewel takes a smaller sip, this time, and grins without humor. "Best not take me to visit your old stomping grounds either, then. I--" She hesitates. "--I wouldn't wish your past on you either, Dawn." <Dawn> ::laughs shortly:: I'm not sure I could find it now, if I tried... Anyway, it was a falling-down slum. Probably been torn down and rebuilt since. <Dawn> You find a way to take a past away, gorgeous, you just let me know. For that, I'd let you dig in my head all you wanted. <Jewel> ::shakes her head:: *I* can't, no. ::seriously:: I think there are ways to do that, but... from what I've heard, it generally causes worse damage. It... ::slowly:: most people don't realize how... how permanent the past is, because they don't see it. They think it's just up here ::taps her head::, or locked in books, but... <Dawn> ::half-smiles:: Stuck with it, am I? Better give me the bottle back, then. <Jewel> ::hands him the bottle again with a rueful smile:: Not that this'll get rid of it, either. Just as Snowman. <Dawn> Not trying to get rid of it, gorgeous. Just want to dull the edges a bit. <Jewel> ::nods:: I'm sorry, Dawn. I... I was right, I shouldn't have asked. ::sighs:: It isn't easy... I couldn't quiet mine until I faced it. With Bastian holding on to my wrist to keep me from plunging to my death. <Dawn> ::snorts:: You sound like Iselyn, now. <Jewel> ::raises her eyebrows, sounding pleased:: I do? <Dawn> ::drops back into his chair:: She keeps telling me I have to face it. Open the old wounds and let them bleed clean. She doesn't ever fucking say *how* to do that. What am I supposed to do, go sell my ass again? ::snorts:: You got any answers? <Jewel> ::blinks:: I... I think it sounds like good advice, but... ::bites her lip:: I think... whatever you do, you shouldn't do it alone. Maybe... maybe you just need to talk to someone who will understand what you went through. ::hesitantly:: Maybe... Iselyn...? Or... ::chews on a lock of her hair and sighs:: If she were still alive, I'd tell you to talk to Tarish. * Jewel looks suddenly thoughtful, but then shakes her head regretfully. <Dawn> Talk? About *that*? ::he laughs, a touch hysterically:: Be easier to sell myself again. ::he drinks:: <Jewel> ::reaches for the bottle again and takes another swig of Sembian courage, taking a deep breath:: Dawn... it's... the past is still in you. It keeps making you come back to it. You have to get it out of you, release it somehow, or it's going to keep festering in there. ::looks unhappy:: But you've lived with it a long time, it's not like you have to do it now. Just... think about it? Please? * Dawn rubs his hands over his face and up through his hair. "Yeah. Think. Sure." He presses the heels of his hands to his eyes, as if trying to combat a headache, then straightens and turns back to the desk. "Go read your book some more. I've got to finish this diagram before Dusk gets back." * Jewel bites her lip and nods, obediently turning her face downward towards her open book. If Dawn is not too preoccupied with his own work, however, he may notice that he never hears a page turn. |
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