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* Vallel is sitting in the common room, a crumpled piece of parchment clutched in one hand, staring into the fire. * Glossaria comes down the stairs from Tyl's office, crossing the room with a spring in her step, not noticing her fiance slumped in the chair by the fire. * Vallel glances over. "Hullo, Gloss." <Glossaria> Oh! ::smiling and crossing to his chair, bending to kiss his forehead lightly:: Hello, Vallel. Ooh...::brushing his hair back:: Have you been... hurting yourself again? What happened? ::dropping to her knees next to his chair:: <Vallel> ::looks at her, briefly:: Do women ever make sense? I mean, ever? <Glossaria> ::smiling, her eye twinkling:: We try hard not to. It's a rule, you know. Any woman that makes sense is cast out of the sisterhood. ::pausing a beat:: I'm on probation, I think. <Vallel> Oh. ::sighs:: I guess that makes some amount of sense. Sort of nice to know it's deliberate <Glossaria> ::smiling softly, reaching up to run her hand through his short hair:: It was intended humorously, love. <Vallel> Oh... so it's unintentional? You all just confuse me completely by random chance? <Glossaria> You don't have to tell me, but if you want to share what's confused you, I'm here to listen. <Vallel> ::brandishes a piece of paper at her:: I just don't know how much more of this I can handle. <Glossaria> ::taking the question seriously, frowning a little and cocking her head:: There are some psychological differences between the sexes, I believe. And different sociocultural priorities. And a number of misapprehensions. I believe that's what causes the confusion. <Glossaria> ::she smiles a little:: That's partly why I ask you so many embarrassing questions, you know. <Vallel> ::looks at her:: Oh? And here I thought you were just curious... <Glossaria> ::smiling a little wider:: Well, that too. But there generally *is* a pattern to my curiosity. Research is my life, you know. <Glossaria> It can be... difficult for me to disassociate from it, even when I know it makes people uncomfortable to think I'm watching them. <Vallel> ::sighs:: I just don't understand her, I really don't. <Glossaria> Her? ::frowning and taking a wild stab:: Charoli? <Vallel> No... ::waves the piece of paper again:: Meghan. <Glossaria> Meghan? What's she done? ::cocks her head and watches the fluttering paper curiously, making no attempt to grab it:: <Vallel> I don't really know if she's done anything, actually. It's hard to say. ::looks into the fire:: I just... ::looks at Gloss:: Do you love me? <Glossaria> ::without hesitation:: Deeply and endlessly. <Glossaria> I just saw M-- Tyl, and she helped me do a little... well, pruning, in the garden of my mind. ::she glances at Vallel shyly:: Guess what the largest, healthiest plant there was? <Vallel> ::looks at her:: Um... your books? * Glossaria smiles and shakes her head, scooting over a little to rest her chin on the arm of his chair, staring up at him. <Glossaria> Although they *have* provided a very nice hedge... <Vallel> ::blinks at her:: I'm sure I don't understand that. <Glossaria> ::smiles:: Well, I think Tyl was helping me visualize things with an analogy, sort of, in my head. But she said my mind was... too open, and suggested a wall of some sort. So I designed a hedge. <Glossaria> She suggested that you might help me, too, with more active defenses if I ever needed them. <Vallel> Oh. All right. So tell me, what was the largest plant was? <Glossaria> ::tilting her head a little, smiling at him:: You really have to ask? ::softly:: You were, Vallel. <Vallel> Oh. <Vallel> ::takes her hand and pats it:: I'm glad, I really am. <Glossaria> I can show you the way in, if you want. I'd like you to visit... it's really very pretty, I think. ::peering at him thoughtfully:: But...? <Vallel> I think I'd like that... ::smiles a bit:: <Vallel> ::sighs:: But, pleasant as it is, that's not really what I wanted to talk about. I just can't think how to start. <Glossaria> ::nods:: It's about Meghan? ::trying to be helpful:: <Vallel> ::nods:: She came to see me... the same day Mistresses Tyl and Zoya and Lisl went after Charoli. <Glossaria> ::nods:: She's dead, by the way. Charoli. In case no one's told, yet. I know M-- Tyl just came back from the Tower, because I walked her here. <Vallel> Oh. ::takes a deep breath:: Well, that's a relief. * Glossaria nods vehemently. <Glossaria> But... you said Meghan came to see you that day? <Vallel> ::nods:: Well, actually Michelle came by first. She wanted to tell me how awful I made Meghan feel by writing her a letter. <Glossaria> ::frowning:: She had a better course of action in mind? *Is* there a good way to tell someone you just want to be friends? <Vallel> ::sighs:: I don't think so, actually.... not at all. <Glossaria> ::muttering:: I'm sure she had nothing to say about how bad Meghan made you feel with the way she acted towards you at the Hall... <Vallel> I told you, women don't make sense. <Vallel> Anyway, I said it was okay if Meghan came by, but Mistress Tyl said not to leave the school because they were using some sort of psionic tracking magic to pin down Charoli. <Glossaria> ::nods:: <Vallel> Anyway, I thought everything was going okay, and... ::looks away:: You know I find her attractive, right? * Glossaria nods again, understandingly. <Vallel> She felt bad because you brought me out of Charoli's influence, she said. That she wasn't enough to bring me out of it. <Glossaria> But... ::quizzically:: I didn't think I had done very much, either. You had imagined I was dead, seeing me must have given you quite a shock. <Glossaria> And... ::flushing a little:: The way she was... responding when we entered didn't look very well-disposed towards breaking Charoli's compulsion. <Vallel> I think that's definitely part of it. But also, before you got there... I had wanted to hurt her, wanted to... ::swallows:: force her. And I think that if I had... I don't think I'd have been able to come out of it. Ever. I wouldn't have wanted to come out of it. * Glossaria bites her lip hard enough for the skin to turn white, and nods quickly. "I... understand. If you had hurt one you cared about that way, one who had been hurt that way in the past, whom you wanted to shield..." <Vallel> ::nods:: I could never have forgiven myself for it... it would have been easier just to stay. ::shudders:: But she cares about me, and she was projecting her love for me. And that kept me from hurting her. So, really, she helped me, even before you arrived. <Glossaria> ::nods, looking puzzled:: So... why did she feel badly? She helped, I helped... <Vallel> Well, she didn't know that. Until I told her. Which I did. I didn't want her to feel hurt about that, as well as about my not being in love with her. <Glossaria> ::nods again:: <Glossaria> And besides, she...::swallowing, choosing her words carefully:: I don't think it would have been... rape, even if we hadn't intervened then. <Vallel> Anyway, I explained it to her... and we talked for a bit, mostly about how I feel about myself. I don't believe Charoli did anything to me beyond release my control over my wants. I did want her. I... sometimes still do. Not because I love her, but just because she's beautiful. And that I hated what I'd learned about myself. <Glossaria> ::nods, putting a comforting hand on his arm:: Although... I learned a little, today, too, about just what it means to release all control over... wants. ::bites her lip and stops, indicating that Vallel should continue:: <Vallel> ::looks at her:: Are you all right? I won't tell you any more, if you don't want to hear it. <Glossaria> ::shakes her head:: No, it wasn't you, it was me. I'll... tell you in a bit. If you'd like. Please, continue. <Glossaria> I *am* better now, thanks to Tyl. And Mistress Zoya. <Vallel> Anyway... ::takes a deep breath:: I was beginning to think that things were okay... that we had gotten everything out and open and that maybe we could go back to being friends... eventually <Glossaria> ::nods:: That's good. That sounds like progress. ::smiling:: <Vallel> ::shakes his head:: No. She... ::looks away:: She started kissing my fingers. ::shivers:: You know... you know I like that. And with everything we'd been talking about... I... jumped away from her. She really startled me and I wanted her and didn't want to and... was really very confused. <Glossaria> ::drawing her brows down:: She...WHAT? But-- ::sounding confused:: She *knew* what you had just gone through. Surely she wouldn't... would she? ::a faint trace of the beginnings of rage in Gloss's tone:: * Vallel runs both hands over his head, locking his fingers behind his neck. <Vallel> She was pretty angry when that happened. She... basically told me that if all I felt about her was physical, I should just do it and get it over with. ::groans:: And... I really wanted to.... <Glossaria> She--? ::Gloss grinds her teeth, and then draws back for a moment in surprise:: My, I've never done *that* before... :;shakes her head:: How COULD she? Did you tell her she should have sex with you right after she was raped, so she could just get over it? * Glossaria sounds positively outraged, now. <Vallel> ::looks horrified:: No! I wouldn't say something like that! What are you talking abo... oh. Oh. * Glossaria presses her lips together grimly. <Vallel> No, I don't think... I don't think she meant to... I just feel like I was trying to... put up some boundaries. And she didn't have any... respect for what I was feeling. Does that make sense? <Glossaria> I thought it was fortunate that she received her quest, that all of us might spend some time apart to reach a balance again, that she might explore her powers safely. <Glossaria> I never *imagined* that she'd be so foolish as to try to manipulate you with them before she left... and after what Charoli DID to you!!! <Glossaria> ::shaking her head:: You remember saying that women were so difficult to understand? We understand each other, well enough. <Glossaria> To be fair, it could well have been a spur-of-the-moment decision... but it sounds to me that she knew *very* well what she was trying to do at that moment. <Vallel> ::blinks:: You amaze me. I... thought you'd be angry with me for even thinking about it, after everything else I already did... <Glossaria> Suddenly I'm very relieved that she'll be gone for so long. I only hope that some emergency doesn't call them back too soon.... <Glossaria> ::shakes her head:: Oh, Vallel... ::sighs:: I *told* Tyl that I didn't think you understood. <Glossaria> ::taking his hand:: I... I don't want to shock you, or put you off, but... I really don't care if you occasionally share your body elsewhere, as long as you're safe, and you share with me too. What frightens me...::disengaging a hand to stroke his cheek, lingering over a fading bruise:: ...is that I might lose your heart. Because I don't know what I ever did to win it in the first place. <Vallel> ::kisses the inside of her wrist:: Just by being you... that's all you've ever had to do... <Glossaria> I... ::looking down, studying the carpet:: Tyl talked about "hang-ups"... I hope you don't think less of me because... because I feel that way about it. * Glossaria smiles ruefully. "Perhaps... but I'm still finding out what it *is* to be "me." <Vallel> And if I have trouble understanding how you feel about it... ::looks at her, his eyes very serious:: I just... upbringing, I guess. But I... I don't know. <Glossaria> ::nods:: I suggested to Tyl that that was a factor. ::smiling whimsically:: Since I haven't had any "upbringing" to speak of, I have no "hang-ups." But I understand that you might, and I do try hard not to do anything you might be too uncomfortable with. * Glossaria bites her lip, looking troubled a moment. <Glossaria> Vallel... I should... probably tell you, what prompted my visit with Tyl this morning. * Vallel sits back, looking at her. <Vallel> It's only fair... ::smiling:: <Glossaria> It's...::shifting position:: I'll warn you, I don't think you'll like it. Let me start by saying that Tyl helped me... get rid of some things, from last week, so this shouldn't ever happen again. Alright? <Vallel> All right. ::crosses his legs under him and rests his elbows on his knees:: * Glossaria brushes her fingers through her ragged hair in an unconscious imitation of Vallel's mannerism. "I... woke up very early this morning, before dawn. I'd been very exhausted the night before, and I thought I'd slept rather deeply, but... <Glossaria> ::takes a breath, finding this a little more difficult than expected, and lapsing a little into clinical mode:: I didn't wake up in my own bed, although I had gone to sleep there. I woke up in Mistress Zoya's. * Vallel closes his eyes, his face draining of color. <Glossaria> ::in a quiet, mostly emotionless voice:: There's more. <Vallel> All right. ::his voice breaks:: Tell me. <Glossaria> I was wearing a collar... a slave collar, which I'd purchased with specific intent last week, while I was under Charoli's influence. I wasn't wearing anything else. I was very confused... I didn't know how I'd gotten there, how I came to be wearing... what I was. And I tried to remember something, anything, about the previous night. * Vallel scrubs his hands over his face. <Glossaria> I could remember a dream I had... a very vivid, highly erotic dream, in which Zoya played the role of Mistress and I her sexual slave. I had... pleasured her, all night, in this dream. ::takes a deep breath, heaving a sigh of relief that the images come to her only as memory, without the force of emotion they held before:: <Vallel> ::glances at her:: A dream? <Glossaria> It had seemed... very real, and the... what I was wearing lent credence to the theory that I had, in fact, engaged in certain acts without retaining full memory of them in the morning. ::she speaks of it very dryly, dispassionately, pushing farther into clinical mode:: <Glossaria> My emotions, on the heels of these discoveries... these surprises, really... were very confused, tangled. <Vallel> But, just a dream? Like I had, of you... of ::looks away:: murdering you? <Glossaria> ::nods:: I... Zoya helped me realize that later, when she calmed me down enough so we could speak of it rationally. <Vallel> ::lets out a deep breath, as if he had been holding it without knowing it:: <Glossaria> But at the time, I was... highly uncertain. And it was while I was in this emotionally charged state that Mistress Zoya woke up, and asked me what was wrong. <Glossaria> And... suddenly it had seemed to me as if it had *not* been a dream, that she *had* somehow... done these things with me, that... perhaps Charoli hadn't been defeated, and... I didn't know. All I knew was that I was very confused, and my one clear thought was that I desired my Mistress fiercely. So I... kissed her. On the lips. * Vallel flinches, as if slapped. * Glossaria takes another deep breath, supremely grateful for her earlier session with Tyl. <Glossaria> Needless to say, Mistress Zoya was, well, shocked. And... that was part of what broke me out of my confusion. * Glossaria looking up, meeting Vallel's eyes deliberately, showing him her sincerity. "Nothing more happened. Not that way, I mean. We talked." <Glossaria> We shared... a number of feelings that neither of us had had the courage to speak of, before. That, at least, was a positive aspect of the experience. ::Gloss puts a hand to her lips for a moment, and lets it fall:: After... after we had both gone back to sleep for awhile, in our *own* beds, Mistress Zoya had me talk with M-- with Tyl, and she helped me... clear my mind. ::smiling a tiny bit:: Literally. <Vallel> I'm sorry. I'm being stupid... ::looks at the floor:: You don't belong to me, not like that. It's not my place to... want you all to myself. Especially not when you've been... ::trails off:: <Glossaria> ::softly:: When I've been what, Vallel? Just because I feel a certain way about sex, doesn't mean I expect you to have identical feelings. You said it yourself, we've had very different upbringings. <Glossaria> I don't want to hurt you, Vallel, or do anything that might... cause you to feel disappointed in me. Really. I love and respect you too much for that. <Glossaria> I only told you about this because... well, you've been extremely open with me. About more than I expected you could, really. I don't want to keep secrets from you. <Glossaria> I *do* love my Mistress, but... not in that way. Not really. She... ::Gloss smiles, almost shyly:: She called me the daughter of her heart, when we talked. It was only... Charoli had perverted so many things, and I never realized how much of that was still... lurking. <Vallel> ::looks disgusted with himself again:: Real nice guy I am. Tell you all about wanting to... have sex with Meghan and hope and pray that you understand, and then get all... hurt and defensive when you try and tell me about your own problems and confusions. Yeah, I'm a great guy. Are you sure you really want to be in this relationship? <Glossaria> ::shakes her head:: Oh, no, Vallel, there's nothing wrong with your feeling that way... after all, you didn't expect *me* to understand because *you* would have a hard time understanding it, isn't that so? It's not wrong that you don't think the same way, really! I think you're wonderful, and I think I'd feel utterly worthless without you. * Vallel reaches out blindly and grabs Gloss, pulling her to him, nearly crushing her against his chest. <Vallel> I do love you. So much... * Glossaria holds him, resting on his lap, fitting her head in under his chin. "We... fit well together, don't we?" <Glossaria> ::timidly:: Do you think, maybe, you'd like to see my garden, now? <Glossaria> I think it might... help. <Vallel> I'd love to see your garden... ::leans back and leers at her, then laughs:: * Glossaria wrinkles her nose at him. "You KNOW what I mean, you horrible lecher!" <Vallel> Yes ma'am... ::playacts at looking chastised:: <Glossaria> ::heaves a huge exasperated sigh:: MEN. * Vallel stands up, lifting Gloss into his arms and swinging her around in a circle. "Women!" Matching her scornful tone. <Glossaria> Ack! Put me down! ::laughing:: <Vallel> Oh... all right. ::drops her lightly on the couch:: <Glossaria> ::smiles and settles down on it more comfortably:: So... do you want to see my garden... my *mental* garden, or not? It would be salutary to learn if the ward form I've chosen is effective, as well. <Vallel> All right... <Glossaria> ::looking up at him uncertainly:: Mistress Tyl had me close my eyes and try to sleep... what would you like me to do? <Vallel> Here... sit down like this... and take some deep breaths... try and relax ::sits down opposite her and places his fingers lightly on her temples:: * Glossaria sits and takes some deep, calming breaths obediently, trying to settle her recently-stirred emotions. * Vallel inhales deeply, then furrows his forehead in concentration, extending his awareness... * Glossaria flutters her eyelids closed, trying to picture things as they were with Tyl, waiting calmly as she sits on the warm soil for Vallel to try to find his way to her. * Vallel appears, his mental projection peering in over the hedge maze * Glossaria sighs. "Drat. I never thought of looking in over the hedge... I suppose it doesn't work that well, after all." * Vallel waves at her, trying to figure out where the entrance is * Glossaria smiles, "Then again... perhaps it does." She gets up and jogs through the maze, running her hands over the leaves with a pleased smile. * Vallel waits for Gloss to come outside the maze. * Glossaria arrives at the entrance and beckons to him. <Vallel> Oh... well... ::looks around:: this isn't bad, really. I *might* be able to break into it, but I think you'd know I was here... <Glossaria> ::nods:: And... I just didn't feel right, with an iron tower. I'm not... like that. ::taking his hand:: C'mon! Let me show you. <Vallel> ::shrugs:: Mine's not an iron tower either... I have a nice little cave with a very large, not particularly friendly dragon sitting over it. <Glossaria> ::cocking her head, curious:: What's his name? Or hers? <Glossaria> ::grinning teasingly and bumping against him:: I always thought you had a down-to-earth mind... I never realized how accurate that was. <Vallel> ::laughs:: Rosten. She's a she. You know about my aunt, right? ::following her into the maze:: <Glossaria> ::giggles:: Mistress Nacheyla is your dragon? ::grinning at him:: I suppose it'll have to have a spaded tail, now. * Glossaria smiles briefly at the sky as a black crow flies overhead, carrying a little demon-Nacheyla doll. <Vallel> ::frowns:: Not exactly... she's... she doesn't talk about it much, I think it makes her uncomfortable... everyone who lives in our village is her relation, either through blood or marriage. <Glossaria> ::nods:: I believe you mentioned that to me before... when I first met you, actually. ::turning a corner, pausing to peer at a leaf:: <Vallel> Well, she's sort of mother/goddess/savior... it's hard to explain... <Glossaria> ::looking dubious:: Doesn't that sound like awfully much to live up to? <Vallel> ::shrugs:: I think that's why she doesn't live with us... she just sort of keeps an eye out. <Glossaria> ::nods:: And... has your opinion of her changed, since you lived with her? <Glossaria> Her current form must... distress her descendants. ::thoughtfully:: That is, if any but you know of it, yet. <Vallel> To some degree. She's still really impressive, and I always feel safer when she's around, but at the same time, I've gotten to know her as a real person... <Vallel> ::laughs:: I haven't bothered to mention it... <Glossaria> ::curling her lips up into a smile:: I think that's probably wise. ::turning another corner, and spotting the arch up ahead:: Ah... here we are! * Glossaria drops Vallel's hand and runs ahead a little, feeling suddenly a little shy and nervous. * Vallel looks around the garden, lingering behind. * Glossaria watches him, letting him look where he will, slowly backing towards the plant with the red-and-yellow flowers. * Vallel examines a few plants, then looks over at Gloss. <Glossaria> ::shyly, stepping to the side and indicating with a small motion of her fingers:: This one's yours. <Vallel> ::looks over, his eyes widening:: Really? ::walks over slowly. He is visibly shaken:: * Glossaria nods, chewing lightly on her lower lip as she watches him. * Vallel looks at the plant, then at Gloss. "This is very beautiful. And so are you." Kisses her on the forehead, admiring the blooms. * Glossaria smiles, noticing the small, wild plant reaching its way a little farther up the Vallel-plant as she does so. She cocks her head at it puzzlement for a moment, and then realizes that the independent shoots, also, seem to have grown a bit since she escorted Tyl out. "Hm." * Vallel suddenly looks a little tired. <Vallel> I... don't think I can stay much longer... ::his mental image flickers:: <Glossaria> Oh! it's alright... but... let me give you something before you go, to remember your visit. <Vallel> ::smiles:: All right... ::flickers again:: * Glossaria flits over to the now carefully-tended, fragrant, purple vine, peers into a flower, and plucks it, handing it to Vallel with a knowing smile. "You look into it." <Glossaria> ::behind her, one of the huge, red blossoms suddenly opens wide.:: * Vallel peeks into the flower, looking puzzled. * Vallel turns an interesting shade of pink and looks at her, his eyes warm. He reaches for her, touches her cheek, and then fades out. * Glossaria sighs, and looks around her garden one last time again before opening her eyes and looking up into Vallel's real ones. |
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