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* Vallel is behind the school, staring into the fish pond, occasionally throwing small rocks into the water. <Michelle> ::A rock flies past Vallel, skipping once, then plunking into the water.:: I never could learn that trick. * Vallel easily skips a rock along the water. It skips nearly ten times before sinking below the surface. <Vallel> Yeah, but I can cheat. How are you? ::he doesn't look at her:: * Michelle sits down next to Vallel, "I've been better. Seems some friends of mine are blaming each other for things they couldn't have done anything about." <Vallel> Oh? ::he wraps his arms around his knees, leaning his chin on his knees:: * Michelle mimics his posture, "So I'm guessing you're blaming yourself for not being able to resist Charoli when she tried to force you to have sex with Meghan?" <Vallel> It's not that, exactly... ::sighs:: <Michelle> Then what is it? <Vallel> I... ::glances at her:: Why? * Michelle holds Vallel's gaze, "As a psionic you should know how dangerous it is to keep things like that bottled up inside of you. But additionally there's the fact that Meghan isn't doing well at all. She thinks you want nothing to do with her because she failed to save you. She knows you love Glossaria, but to not only have lost you, but to have failed you as well...That hurt her far more than those bastards who kidnapped her." <Vallel> Michelle... ::he clenches one fist:: I... don't know what to do for her. I can't... handle the responsibility <Michelle> You could tell her that you still care about her. You could tell her that she's still your friend. You could tell her that you don't blame her for being unable to deal with something that most of the rest of us didn't even recognize until it was nearly too later. <Vallel> ::puts his fist to his forehead, tapping it in emphasis with his words:: I can't look her in the face and tell her something that's not true, Michelle, I can't do that. <Michelle> What's not true? <Vallel> It's not true that I don't love her. It's not true that I don't hate myself for hurting her. It's not true that I don't wish there were anything I could do, short of hurting Gloss, to make her stop hurting. <Michelle> Are you saying that you love them both Vallel? <Vallel> ::touches his chest:: Ripping my own heart out would be easier to bear than what I've done to her. Yes, I love her. Not in the way she wants, but I do. * Michelle nods, "So why can't you tell her that. Are you saying that you love her, but that you blame her because your love for Glossaria is what saved you? Are you saying it's her fault that Glossaria saved you?" <Vallel> I don't think loving Gloss had anything to do with it. I think it was the shock... ::looks out at the water:: I really thought I'd killed her. Gloss, I mean. I saw it, I strangled her, I... did things to her body when she was dead. And then, there she was. And I knew that I hadn't... hadn't done those horrible things. * Michelle sighs, "Vallel, I don't know you won't believe me, but Meghan doesn't blame you for what you tried to do to her, and she NEEDS to hear that you don't blame her for her inability to save you." <Vallel> And I wanted to do some pretty horrible things to Meghan, even started to, I think... something kept holding me back from it... I don't think I would have, with anyone else. <Vallel> She did save me... she saved me from doing anything horrible to anyone for real... <Michelle> Then you need to tell HER that. She's sitting at home, wasting away, because she thinks you blame HER! If you really believe what you just told me, if you truly care for her in ANY way, then TELL her! <Vallel> God DAMNIT, Michelle, do you think I'm made out of stone? * Vallel clenches his fist, blood starting to drip from his palm. * Michelle shakes her head and smiles at him, "No. Otherwise I wouldn't have tried to make you angry. But I won't apologize for my actions either Vallel. Meghan needs something I can't give her. You're the only one who can." <Vallel> She doesn't want to talk to me. And... I don't know if I can. <Michelle> What makes you think she doesn't want to talk to you? <Vallel> Last night she wanted nothing more than to be out of my sight as quickly as she could manage it. * Michelle sighs, "Did you ever stop to think how she might have taken that letter of yours?" <Vallel> What? What did I say wrong? * Michelle sighs, "It's not what you said Vallel...*I* understand why you sent the letter, but Meghan...She's under a lot of pain to begin with, and on top of that she's feeling the pain of everyone around her...particularly the pain of the people she cares about...In her mind, the only reason for you to send a letter is because you don't want to see her ever again." <Michelle> And the way you, Meghan, and Glossaria all tried to bolt out of the Hall last night didn't help matters at all. I don't know if you heard me, but the three of you are still friends. If you weren't you wouldn't be hurting this much. But you'll never be able to salvage your friendship if you don't talk to each other. <Vallel> ::sounds slightly resentful:: She started that. <Michelle> So extend the olive branch? <Vallel> I don't know, Michelle. I don't know... I can't stand to see her in pain, and I don't want... I... <Michelle> You don't want to hurt her. You don't want to see the pain in her eyes when you tell her that you don't love her the way she wants you to. <Vallel> And I don't know how well I can not love her, when she's right there... <Michelle> Are you afraid you'll leave Glossaria for her if you see her? <Vallel> Not exactly. I'm afraid that... that she might now that I love her and that I can't love her. * Michelle sighs, "Vallel...Natural empaths don't KNOW how people feel, they FEEL how people feel. And right now Meghan needs to feel that someone loves her...And the gods forgive me but I'm afraid of what it will do to her if *I* do that. If she's going to learn to love HERSELF, she needs to feel that someone else loves her, and right now the only heart she's listening to is yours." <Vallel> You don't think it will hurt her more to know that I do love her, but can't be with her? * Michelle sighs, "Vallel, sometimes you have to hurt people in order to help them, just like I had to get you angry in order to get you to open up to me this evening. Yes, it will hurt her, but if the reason you can't love her is the reason you've given me. That is, that you can't love her the way she want you to because you already love Glossaria that way, then she'll be able to start healing." <Vallel> Do you really think so? <Michelle> Vallel, I'm a natural empath myself. It will hurt Meghan terribly to have to lose you to Glossaria again, and I KNOW that's what you're trying to avoid. But the way you've gone about it makes it seem as if she's not only lost you to Glossaria, but betrayed you and become the enemy between you and Glossaria. She needs to know that you don't blame her." <Vallel> I don't blame her. Not at all. I know exactly who is to blame. ::tosses another rock into the water:: * Michelle sighs, "You need to convince Meghan of that Vallel. I can tell her till I'm blue in the face, but she won't believe me." <Vallel> I can't leave the school today, Michelle. Tyl and Zoya and Lisl are trying to track down Charoli. But you could tell her I'd like to see her, if you want. I can try and explain. ::looks at his hands, somewhat bloody, with deep purple crescents in the palms:: I doubt even I could make things worse at this point. * Michelle reaches over and takes Vallel's hands, briefly encompassing them in a white glow, "Vallel, you're the only one who can make things better. But Meghan, Kevil and I are leaving on a quest for Sissra tomorrow, so if it's not tonight it will have to be first thing tomorrow morning. I can delay our departure, but I have to know that you'll be there for her." <Vallel> I'll do what I can. Or you can bring her by tonight if you want. ::sighs:: I'll be here all day. I'm not good enough yet to help out. <Michelle> I'll try and get her to come over, but if I can't manage it could you stop by the house for breakfast? <Vallel> ::nods, staring at the pond, which has now begun reflecting the few stars up in the sky:: * Michelle puts her hand on Vallel's cheek and kisses his forehead, "Thank you Vallel. I can't tell you how much this means to me." * Vallel flinches lightly... "Ow! You're welcome..." He rubs his forehead gently. * Michelle giggles and places a glowing hand on Vallel's forehead, "Anywhere else?" <Vallel> I'm fine, really... I just kept beating my head against the wall... literally as well as otherwise... * Michelle smiles at Vallel, "I understand. Try to forgive yourself and I'll see what I can do about getting Meghan over here so she can convince you that she doesn't blame you." <Vallel> ::nods:: Thank you... I... I hope some day I'll be worth everyone feeling like this about me. * Michelle smiles, "You're still growing Vallel. Give yourself a few more years and you'll be a man that every parent will wish their daughter had married." * Michelle turns and leaves. <Michelle> ::An hour later Michelle returns with Meghan.:: * Meghan walks into the school timidly a folded paper clenched in her hands * Michelle points Meghan towards the lake, but remains a respectful distance away. * Meghan walks slowly towards him and stops a few feet behind him * Meghan clears her throat very softly <Vallel> Oh... sit, please... ::glances at her:: * Meghan nods not meeting his gaze she slowly sits <Vallel> I... it's good to see you... ::glances at her:: * Meghan lifts her gaze slowly to his and nods to him still not quite being able to get a word out <Meghan> ::she looks back down again and whispers softly:: I was going to leave this for you ::she holds out the crumpled folded paper to him:: * Vallel takes the letter, but doesn't unfold it. <Vallel> Why don't you just tell me what's on your mind... <Meghan> ::nods slightly raising her gaze to him again her eyes sad she tries to speak and then stands quickly and turns away from him her voice trembling:: I'm just sorry Val. I'm sorry I let you down. I'm sorry when you needed me most I could do nothing for you * Meghan s head is bent and a few tears slip from her eyes <Vallel> No... ::takes her hand:: No, no, Meghan... it's not like that. * Meghan looks at his hand but not up to him <Meghan> ::softly:: How could it be anything but that <Vallel> You did save me... I... I wanted to hurt you... wanted to... and I didn't. I couldn't. I was fighting it. Because of how much I care about you. * Meghan looks up to him <Vallel> She wanted me to break... wanted me to kill everything that I loved. What would I have left but her, if I did that? <Meghan> I just don't feel like I did anything. All I can see is that look in you eyes ::she shivers slightly:: and I couldn't get past that to you. I couldn't do anything. I felt so helpless <Vallel> Oh, you don't know how much you did... Meghan, I could not live with myself if I'd hurt you. I really couldn't... <Meghan> ::softly:: You didn't. I just wish ::pauses:: well it doesn't matter. <Vallel> Do you know why I didn't? I wanted to... I wanted to... ::clenches his fists together:: <Meghan> You didn't because Gloss came. She was able to break through to you. Help you where I could not * Meghan looks down again <Vallel> ::shakes his head:: She brought me all the way back to myself. But I wouldn't have... couldn't have... if you hadn't pulled me back from the Abyss first. <Vallel> If I had hurt you... ::takes a deep breath:: had raped you... I couldn't have come back. I wouldn't have wanted to. * Meghan looks up at him once more the smallest light of hope shining in her eyes <Vallel> I wanted to do those things to you... ::shudders:: And the only reason I didn't was because you kept showing me your love... <Meghan> ::softly:: Then why did you avoid me last night at the Hall. Why the letter. I thought you wanted nothing to do with me <Vallel> ::looks at her, his eyes dark with pain, longing, and regret:: Because I do love you. Just not the way that would be a good way to love someone. <Meghan> ::frowns:: How can loving me not be a good way? <Vallel> ::touches her cheek:: Because it's selfish. I love you because of the way you make me feel. I love you because I want you. But I don't love you in the way that would let me give anything back to you. <Meghan> ::softly:: Because you don't love me the way you love Gloss <Vallel> Because I love Gloss... ::sighs:: I'm sorry... I really am. <Vallel> I never meant to hurt you. I didn't come see you because I was... I didn't know how to tell you, after everything, that... that we just couldn't... <Meghan> ::shakes her head:: You shouldn't be. Vallel what you have with Gloss is a beautiful thing. I'm not going to say it's easy for me, because it's not. <Meghan> But it's much better than thinking you never wanted to see me again <Meghan> ::smiles softly:: My heart will heal from this Vallel. Losing your friendship ::pauses:: well I would not have been able to get over that <Vallel> After what I wanted to do to... with... to you... I didn't know that you'd want to see me again. <Meghan> ::softly touches his cheek:: I knew it wasn't you. <Vallel> That doesn't make it right. ::slams his fist against his forehead:: <Meghan> ::takes his hands and looks deep into his eyes:: But it also doesn't make it your fault. Had I been thinking I would have known I was in over my head. BUt my heart was in control of me that night and not my head <Vallel> Yes... but ::stares out over the pond:: If I hadn't wanted those things... wanted them somewhere deep inside myself, she wouldn't have been able to affect me... ::shudders in disgust:: <Meghan> ::places her fingers on his chin turning his gaze to her:: Vallel I forgive you. <Vallel> ::looks at her:: I'm glad. * Meghan searches his eyes * Vallel meets her gaze for a moment, then drops his eyes. <Meghan> ::softly:: Can you forgive yourself Vallel? <Vallel> I don't know... ::swallows:: * Meghan brings his hands to her lips and kisses them softly <Meghan> I think you will. You are a strong person Vallel. Stronger than you let yourself think. <Vallel> ::looks at her, a strange heat in his eyes:: Not if you keep doing that, I won't be... ::shakes his head half in amusement, half in disgust:: <Meghan> ::smiles and steps away from him:: Well you won't have to worry about that for a while. I;m leaving tomorrow. Going on a trip with Kevil and Michelle <Vallel> Yeah, I heard that... ::rubs his hands absently on his pants:: I... hope you find what you're looking for. * Meghan nods softly * Meghan looks at him <Meghan> Vallel will we ever be close again? <Vallel> ::looks out over the pond, running one hand through his short hair:: I can't read the future, Meghan... I can't tell you what will happen in ten minutes, nor can I tell you what you or I might feel in a few weeks. But I think we have as good a chance as any. <Meghan> ::nods:: I hope so * Meghan steps close to him and leans up placing her lips on his and kissing him softly * Vallel jerks back, violently. <Vallel> Please, Meghan, don't... I can't... I... <Meghan> ::sighs and turns away:: I just wanted to not feel like we are walking on pins around each other... * Vallel licks his lips and looks at her. <Meghan> ::looks at him:: If all you feel for me now is physical then kiss me and get past it and please let's be friends again <Vallel> Meghan... I... ::looks at her, his eyes burning:: <Meghan> ::nods:: I'll go. I can only hope that when I come back things will be more normal * Meghan turns and begins to walk away <Vallel> ::very quietly:: It wouldn't stop there... <Meghan> ::stops and turns to him not saying anything just looking at him:: * Vallel returns her look, his face a mixture of wanting and fear, desire and desperation. <Meghan> ::offers him a soft smile and turns heading back up to Michelle:: * Vallel watches her leave, mingled relief and regret on his face. * Michelle meets Vallel's eyes for a moment before turning and leaving with Meghan. * Vallel watches them leave, then sits down again, striking himself several times in the head with his fist. <Michelle> [Just had to get it in, didn't you KT?] <Vallel> [he'll be doing that for a while... ] |
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